Its Mom and Dad’s fault!

August 9, 2017 ·

The foundations of our behaviour begin with our parents/ primary caregivers. We are taught by our parents from a very young age how to behave, how to live, how to treat each other and them. We adopt what they teach us or rebel against it.  We watch them interact with each other and with us and inevitably, as we grow, we either find fault in them and how they treated us; or each other; or other people. To our surprise we discover that they are not perfect, and we used to listen to everything they said. It may be difficult to accept their mistakes, so we either build silent resentment or place them on a pedestal, often placing each parent in one or the other category. One thing is certain, we feel pressure of some sort with our parents.  The pressure for approval; acceptance; or not being criticized or reprimanded. We also feel the pressure that ensure that they are ok and not ill or suffer harm in any way.  Behind that pressure is probably an underlying need for acceptance from them of all our flaws and forgiveness for theirs.  We never quite realize that, sometimes until it is too late.  It is easy to blame parents for the ills in one’s life.  It’s easier to accept our mistakes that way. But can one truly blame a parent for your state of mind, even a “bad” one?  It is also easy to dismiss their flaws as “older generation thinking” or senility.  Perhaps its because we expect perfection from them? Perhaps we want them to be the kind of parents that we think we need, like we have seen in a friend’s parent or a fictional parent we read about or saw in a movie, or even a parent we imagined. This is not possible. They too had parents, experiences, fears and unresolved issues when you came along.  You are part of the test and rocky road through which they navigate in their lives, yet they love you.  They may not express the love the way you want, they may even in their error be diabolical in the way they treat you sometimes. They are HUMAN. They make mistakes.  You can choose to hold them to ransom for being imperfect, or you can choose to show compassion for their pain in raising you without a “How to Manual”.   You can choose to judge their faults, or you can choose to forgive their human frailties. Wouldn’t you want the same compassion and forgiveness?  It matters not whether they are alive or have passed on to the other side, it is never too late.  I leave with those thoughts.   All my love Radia❤